


Again

by looselybaker



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), F/F, Friends With Benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25375747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/looselybaker/pseuds/looselybaker
Summary: Another night couldn’t hurt.  For the fourth time this week.
Relationships: Okusawa Misaki/Seta Kaoru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	1. 1

Curry was so unappetizing when it was just for one. Misaki remembered her mother telling her not to play with her food. _Meals are made to be eaten,_ the stern words echoed in her head. But it was difficult when you barely had enough energy to lift the spoon to your mouth.

Instinctively, like they had so many times before in the exact same situation, Misaki’s eyes flickered towards her phone’s powered off screen. Her reflection stared back at her, taunting her, teasing her, daring her. She forced herself to swallow the urge.

 _She’s got things to do other than tend to your every need, reply to all your texts, and be there at your beck and call. Woman up,_ Misaki told herself. Bowl of curry pushed to the side, she slammed her elbows to the table and sunk her head into her hands. The surface shook under the sudden impact, forgotten spoon’s rattling ringing in her ears.

Nobody told her growing up would be so difficult.

Her mind wandered to her high school days; the ones she took for granted. She’d never tell them straight up, not in a million years, but that band really did feel like a family. It was nice having something to look forward to at the end of every day. It was nice having something you could rely on when the going got rough. Boy, it was easy to miss that. Her fruitless reminiscing lifted her head to look at the phone screen once again. One member in particular came to mind.

Another night couldn’t hurt. For the fourth time that week.

Misaki’s thumb hovered over the send button. Her palms felt clammy. Before she could hesitate any longer, the message was sent.

She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair with a heavy sigh. It was so painfully quiet, as she stared up at the ceiling, mulling over what she’d done. She could hear the clock ticking on the wall.

[DELIVERED]

>SETA KAORU  
>21:33

>“Busy?”

…

[RECEIVED]

>SETA KAORU  
>21:34

>“Never if it’s you, dearest.”

Her phone buzzing in her hands made her heart lift more than she’d care to admit. She rolled her eyes at the message, but a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. She forced it back down. Her pride had taken enough of a hit already.

Slipping her arms into her coat’s sleeves and snatching the keys from the side table, Misaki left the bowl of curry for one without a second thought. She was responsible; perhaps on another night, she would’ve properly stored it away in the fridge, so as not to be wasteful.

But there were more important matters to attend to.

—

Misaki rapped on the door. _Damn winter._ Her knuckles felt like they were just about to freeze off. Kaoru better not take her sweet time, or else she might turn back and just sit in the car with the heater on until-

“Ah, Misaki! Please, do hurry inside; it’s going to get cold!” The violet-haired woman opened the door wider and motioned for her to head inside with a signature smile. _Cold?_

“I think I’m already as cold as cold can get,” Misaki said through gritted teeth, stepping in and taking off her shoes with a quick “pardon the intrusion”.

Kaoru said nothing; only removed the brunette’s snow-dampened coat with expert grace and hung it on the wall before venturing further inside. Misaki couldn’t help but notice the former guitarist’s clean-cut outfit; dark dress pants and a belt with a tasteful long-sleeved shirt tucked in. Looking down at her sweatpants and hoodie, she couldn’t help but feel severely underdressed. Despite this, Misaki gingerly followed Kaoru until she stumbled upon the small, familiar dining area.

Cider-scented candles—her favorite, they smelled of home—lit the room. Dimmed lights and soft music created the perfect atmosphere for the dinner lying on the table: pasta for two. Also one of her favorites. Several bottles of wine and other “dinner drinks” sat on the island, with two empty glasses next to their meals.

Before she knew it, a chair was pulled out for her and she was sat down. The cogs in her head were only just starting to turn as Kaoru bustled about the kitchen and swiped her glass. The tall figure eyed the various bottles of alcohol closely, holding each up to the light to read the labels.

“My apologies, Misaki. I wasn’t entirely sure on your drink preference, so I took it upon myself to retrieve several options that may be to your liking. Is there any one in particular that strikes your fancy?” Kaoru asked, inspecting the nutritional facts of a certain champagne.

“Red…red wine goes pretty well with pasta,” Misaki forced out.

“A woman after my own heart indeed! Ah, how fleeting…! Red wine it is, then.” Kaoru immediately got to work, pouring two glasses a quarter full and setting them on the table with great poise before finally sitting down herself. She set her napkin on her lap as Misaki was reminded to do the same. The last thing she’d like right now is to be rude.

“I feel as if we can skip a toast for tonight, don’t you? Please, dig in. You must be starving, and-“

“This wasn’t what I was expecting.” Misaki covered her mouth. She really didn’t mean for it to sound like that.

“…Is this not to your liking? If so, I suppose we can skip straight to the-“

“No! I mean, uh, no, I like it. Thank you, Kaoru-san,” Misaki stammered, staring at her plate, unsure where to start. “I just, well, why? I’m really grateful, don’t get me wrong. It’s just…”

“My pleasure, kitten. It seemed like your night was going poorly, from your curt text messages. I simply thought you could use something to eat. Was I incorrect in doing so?” Kaoru tilted her head, placing a small bowl of parmesan cheese on the table.

“…No, you’re right. I…didn’t eat. Thanks again, Kaoru-san. Let’s dig in.” Misaki nervously picked up the fork, almost feeling a little bad about eating this gorgeous meal. Wasn’t Kaoru a disaster in the kitchen? She knew that much from their band days, that was for sure. She’d also made enough morning after-breakfasts to know, too, albeit this time with a little blush.

The food was damned good, though. Misaki entertained the thought that perhaps Kaoru ordered from somewhere; but no, a medium-sized pot lay in the sink and an empty box of pasta on the counter next to the stove. Hm. Maybe there were still some things she didn’t know about this mysterious prince.

“Er, nice music,” Misaki commented after savoring her third bite, only just now occurring to her that she should take a sip of the wine. It was bitter, but it went well with the food.

“As the great bard once said, ‘if music be the food of love, play on.’”

 _I’m…not so sure how much that applies here,_ Misaki thought, smiling slightly to herself. She didn’t notice quite how entranced she was with the way Kaoru twirled her fork with such gusto, the way she lifted her wine glass, pinky raised high, until she realized she hadn’t taken another bite. Everything about Kaoru was just so…interesting. In a good way or a bad way, it wasn’t always clear.

“Did you make this?” Misaki asked. “It’s really good. I was a little surprised though, I’ll admit; I remember you almost cut yourself making a sandwich back in high school,” She chuckled the same way she did when she was with Kaoru way back then. To her surprise, a faintly noticeable pink spread across the taller woman’s cheeks.

“Th-that time…! Ahem, y-yes, I did take it upon myself to produce this meal. However, it was, er, not quite the easy task, I, I will disclose…” Kaoru dabbed at her face with the napkin, suddenly finding the wall to her right particularly interesting.

“Oh? Tell me more.” Misaki felt her stomach satisfied; she pushed aside what little was left of the pasta to lean forward, staring at Kaoru intently.

“Well, you see, ah, this is not the…first night I have attempted such a meal,” She started, this time bringing the wine glass to her lips for a few seconds too long. “I will not go into detail, for-for fear of boring my princess so, of course. But, well, allow me to leave you with this: many a box of pasta have been sacrificed so that you may enjoy the meal sitting before you today,” Kaoru coughed, finally meeting Misaki’s eyes with a sheepish smile.

“Aha…ahahaha. Kaoru-san, I knew you didn’t become a cooking prodigy while I wasn’t looking,” She laughed, her chest light. When was the last time she smiled when Kaoru wasn’t around?

“I do sincerely hope my efforts were not in vain?” Kaoru chuckled, motioning to her temporary companion’s cleaned plate.

“Not in the slightest.” Misaki heard a sigh of relief from Kaoru. “Thanks for the meal. It was really great,” She said, placing her napkin on the table before getting up to clean her mess. She quickly realized she was naive for thinking such a deed would be allowed under this roof.

“Fufu, not so fast, my dear. Please, relax. I’ll take that right off your hands~” Kaoru swept the plate away, piling it on top of the rest of the silverware before disappearing into the kitchen. The soft whoosh of the sink running was distantly heard. All Misaki could do was sit down and just…be treated. It felt good.

She’d be lying, lying a whole damn lot, if she said she hadn’t come over for something a little different; as she often did. Which was certainly good—beyond good—in its own way. But as the gentle music played from the portable speakers across the room, as the sweet scent of cinnamon filled the air, as the muffled sounds of Kaoru washing dishes in the other room filled her heart with comfort, she realized maybe this wasn’t so bad either. This was the best she had felt in weeks. Months. Rivaled only by the other times she shared with Kaoru.

The soft, old-timey waltz’s lyrics filled her ears. She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair to savor the moment. Tomorrow, a new set of problems would present itself. She probably wouldn’t be here again for a little while; Kaoru was busy that time of the week with an upcoming play for her university, rehearsals in full swing a week before the performance. Naturally, the literal embodiment of Romeo was the lead. Misaki would be busy, too, for that matter; studies by day, work by night.

But then, she wanted nothing more than to forget about all that, if only for a second.

_Again,  
this couldn’t happen again  
This is that once in a lifetime  
This is the thrill divine  
What’s more,  
this never happened before  
Though I have prayed for a lifetime  
That such as you would suddenly be mine  
Mine to hold as I’m holding you now,  
and yet never so near  
Mine to have when the now and the here  
disappear  
What matters, dear, for when  
This doesn’t happen again  
We’ll have this moment forever  
But never, never  
Again  
We’ll have this moment forever  
But never, never  
Again_

Kaoru returned from her brief trip, the table now clear. Misaki quickly opened her eyes, jolting upright in a panic.

“Tired, kitten?” Kaoru asked with a grin, taking a few steps closer.

Misaki shook her head vigorously, simultaneously not wanting Kaoru to think she wanted to go home and sleep, yet also not quite ready to tell her she was thinking such sentimental thoughts. “No no no, I wasn’t- I’m not all that- I was just-“

“Then, perhaps you won’t mind.” Kaoru swiftly leaned down to press their lips together. Misaki felt her body go limp, sinking into the embrace. The dinner was perfect; she had never been treated so kindly before, so much like a real princess, never truly had such a fancy meal. It was bliss, especially since it was with Kaoru. But she would be spouting bullshit if she said she hadn’t been looking forward to this the whole time.

Her lips tasted subtly of red wine. Oh. Her tongue did too. Kaoru began to ran her hands through her hair, grabbing fistfuls of it, clearly hungry for more of her. But never pulling. It sent shivers up her spine already. She was weak for the prince’s touch; the girl could probably kiss her anywhere not on the lips and she’d lose it.

Misaki slowly stood up from her chair, contact never ceasing, as Kaoru’s back straightened with her movements. At least she was only making her lean down a little. Misaki felt around blindly for Kaoru’s ponytail; she still wore it the exact same as she did back then. It suited her, after all. She pulled out the tie and dropped it, not particularly caring where it ended up in this very moment. Perhaps at a different time, she might’ve been able to appreciate the way it matched perfectly with the dusty, almost-white pink of Kaoru’s shirt. But not right now.

Misaki ran her hands through Kaoru’s long, purple locks. They were perfectly maintained, as always; silky smooth, not a single hair out of place. That would change pretty soon.

Kaoru began to try to make their way to the door of her bedroom, lips still smashed together. Misaki stumbled backwards along with her, one step at a time. Sure, it might be easier to stop kissing for one millisecond to take this to her bed, but what was the fun in that?

…Almost there. Just have to turn the knob, and-

Misaki felt herself slammed—barely hard enough to even consider it a “slam”—to the wall to the right of Kaoru’s bedroom door. Slightly-calloused hands cupped her face as they finally broke apart, saliva trailing down her chin. Her chest burned; she gasped for air, lungs begging for oxygen in her reluctance to part from Kaoru.

The look in her eyes was more intoxicating than any 1/4 glass of wine would ever be. Still panting, Kaoru leaned to whisper in her ear. Her breath was hot, her voice was soft, filled with adoration, with a need for her.

 _“Mi-sa-ki,”_ She huffed one syllable at a time, as if it was fun to say her name. Misaki felt herself go weak in the knees. She silently cursed herself for being so vulnerable to Kaoru’s…anything, really. But she knew she wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Kaoru,” She said, voice cracking. She swallowed hard. It felt like the first time they did this all over again.

“I want to give you everything I have. I want to make you happy.” Kaoru sounded desperate, if that was the word for it. No flowery language here. “Let me make you happy. Please.” Now determined.

Well, this was a little different.

But Misaki felt as if she might melt on the spot. “Okay.” was all she could say.

Kaoru slowly moved her lips to her ear. She could hear that ragged breath so closely, feel the warmth on her neck once more. She shivered again.

Misaki couldn’t say she was ready for the gentle, yet still undeniably startling, feeling of teeth clenching on the corner of her ear. In her shock, she moaned slightly, rearing her head back.

Instantly, Kaoru pulled away, tender gaze filled with concern. “No?” She asked, no trace of disappointment or upset in her tone. Only pure worry and care. Her heart swelled.

“N-no, no, you’re fine. You’re doing really good.” Misaki nodded the okay to continue. Kaoru obliged, closing her teeth on the same spot, yet slower this time. Somehow, that made it better. Misaki exhaled sharply, willing her voice not to give out so soon.

Slowly, slowly, Kaoru made her way from Misaki’s ear down to her jaw, covering it with kisses. She continued down until she reached her neck. Kaoru lingered on it, daring to use her teeth a second time, obviously taking extra care to be a little less…surprising. Misaki tensed with each time, struggling not to let loose even the smallest of noises. She was only somewhat successful.

Suddenly, a particularly aggressive hickey sent a jolt through Misaki’s body, the intensity catching her off guard once more. She gasped, breathing quickened even further. The sensation of Kaoru’s tongue lightly running across the now tender-spot made her shake. She was starting to lose count of how much she had so far.

Kaoru moved on, pampering Misaki’s collarbone with airy kisses as she made the journey back up to her mouth. Misaki felt a snarky remark in the back of her throat. “Back so soon?” she probably would’ve said, if not for the concentration it took for her to simply not cry out right then. Not that she minded.

Kaoru tilted her head to the side, parting her lips. Misaki obliged once more, happy to let Kaoru get reacquainted with the roof of her mouth as she did the same. She felt a hand slide up underneath her sweater, the other brushing long, slender fingers through her hair. It was too much to bear. When did she find out about that spot?

“Mmfh!” Misaki sighed over Kaoru’s mouth. The sound escaped; she didn’t even realize until after she heard it.

“Misaki…Misaki…” Kaoru moaned in between breaths, as if it was an invitation. Who was she to refuse?

“Kaoru-san…” She said. Instantly, she felt the older’s movements become more vigorous, more passionate, even if just a bit. She couldn’t help herself.

“Kaoru, Kaoru,” Misaki mumbled. More, more. Still pinned against the wall. Kaoru’s leg between her thighs. That did it. She moved to cover her mouth with her hand, before she realized she was a little preoccupied. She couldn’t stop the noises that escaped; though, they only encouraged Kaoru more. Can’t complain about that.

“My dearest…Mi-Misaki…” My. Just hers. Dearest. Not just dear, like she called everyone else. It was kind of cute when she stammered.

She nearly couldn’t take any more. And just from this, too…whatever. She was weak. Weak to that charm she previously thought herself immune to. Weak to the way she looked at her. Weak to the kindness she treated her with. Weak for her, quirks and all. Wait. This isn’t what she-

A thrust of the leg that was just a little rougher was all it took. “K-Kaoru…!” Misaki felt her knees give out a little. Her body shuddered. Her head leaned back, hitting the wall with a low thud. She could hear Kaoru’s labored breathing. Feel her leg still there, though they had stopped moving. Kaoru’s hand slowly sliding out of her top. The pressure of her thigh leaving. The feeling of her hair being brushed out of her face, sweat causing it to cling to her skin. She could feel her running her hands through her hair, over and over again, at times stopping to twirl it around her finger or tuck it behind her ear. It was relaxing beyond belief.

Misaki opened her eyes. Kaoru’s crimson gaze was staring back at her, clearly as exhausted as she was, but that look was filled with so much…huh.

Wordlessly, the prince lifted her into her arms, princess-style. Juggling her as she jiggled the doorknob open, she pushed the door to her room open with her back and carried Misaki to her bed. It was only just big enough for two. Kaoru set her down as if she were a fragile work of art, making extra sure the pillow was as fluffed up as could be before allowing Misaki’s head to rest on it.

Kaoru sat down on the side of the bed, the mattress sinking under her weight, as she reached up to cup Misaki’s face with a hand. She felt Kaoru’s calloused fingers on her face, evidence of the still ongoing guitar hobby feeling rough on her skin. Yet, the touch was gentle.

“Misaki…” Kaoru said, then stopped. Her eyes wandered around the room for a bit. She opened her mouth, then closed it. Opened, closed.

“Would you like a drink?” She finally breathed. Her hand trailed down Misaki’s jaw before dropping it to her lap.

Misaki’s head was filled with thoughts. Things she’d like to say, things she should say, things she shouldn’t say. It was too hard to choose. 

“Water would be fine.”

Kaoru nodded, getting up off the bed and striding towards the door. Misaki felt a tug at her chest.

“Thanks for dinner.” was all she could think of. Kaoru turned around to face her. She smiled.

“My pleasure, dearest Misaki.”


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misaki hadn’t seen Kaoru in nine days. Nine days filled with disgustingly unhealthy doses of coffee and takeout, piles high of endless work, and terrible, terrible loneliness.

It took longer than Misaki would care to admit to realize she was awake. Longer still to fully open her eyes, blinking away sleep, and take a look around the room.

Not her room. It was still dark, but she noticed the sky turning bluer by the second through the blinds. Around 6, by the looks of it. She’d usually roll over to check her phone and pray to God she just got up before her alarm so she could go back to sleep. But as her mind slowly began to think cognitive thoughts again, last night came to mind. Setting an alarm definitely wasn’t on the agenda at the time, that was for sure.

Misaki rolled her head over to look to the other side of the bed. Kaoru. Her flowing purple locks were strewn all about the pillow, a great many straying into her face. She appeared to have kicked the blankets off while she slept, leaving them all to Misaki, and was now halfway in a fetal position, peaceful as ever. It was almost strange to see her quiet. Her shoulders rose and fell with each breath, mouth open the tiniest bit, expression blank.

Tearing her eyes away from the sight, Misaki rolled back over to click her phone on. Huh, weird. She didn’t remember…oh. Kaoru had plugged it in for her. That pang in her chest again. It was too early to deal with this.

She checked her texts. Nothing new quite yet, apart from an automated message from her university. She checked what little social media she had. Nothing new. She landed on her calendar, checking her responsibilities for the day as always.

Wait. Is today the…

“Shit!” Misaki cursed instinctively, now alert. She covered her mouth in realization just a second too late, swiftly looking to the peacefully sleeping Kaoru. Correction, previously sleeping. Guilt filled her chest. _Double shit._

“Hngh…Misaki?” Kaoru rubbed her eyes open, sitting up with more speed than Misaki could ever muster if she were in the same situation. “Is everything alright? Are you hurt?” She asked quickly, wide awake. The frantic crimson gaze scanned her body up and down, supposedly searching for a wound of some kind. It only made Misaki’s cheeks burn with shame further.

“Oh no, God, no,” She reassured her, holding out her arms as if for proof. The way Kaoru’s shoulders relaxed with such immense relief sent a pang through her chest. _I’m a terrible person. I’ve already inconvenienced her so much in the past twelve hours._

“Ah, my heart may now be somewhat still…though, pray tell, if your ails are not physical, whatever is the matter?” Kaoru’s tone was gentle, concerned. No anger present.

“I’m really sorry, Kaoru-san. I had just realized I have to be at the university really early today; some sort of stupid briefing for next semester, or whatever. It had totally slipped my mind. Sorry to make you worry. And, uh, give you such a rude awakening.” Misaki pulled off the covers and turned around to place her feet on the floor. Gotta get it over with now.

Except, there was a problem.

She moved to stand up. But a pressure found its way to her waist. She looked down to find two lanky arms snaked around her waist, fingers loosely clasped together.

“…Kaoru-san?” Misaki turned her head to see a face now buried in her back.

It wasn’t like it was a death grip. If she wanted to, she could probably leave right then and there, as she should. Kaoru wasn’t the kind of person to actually stop her, after all.

But Misaki was the kind of person to let her.

“…Is this alright for another moment? Will you be late?” Misaki stared at the time still flashing on her phone. Then felt Kaoru’s soft breathing on her back.

“I’ll be fine.”

—

“You’ll fare fine in such weather?” Kaoru asked nervously to confirm for the third time as Misaki grabbed her keys off the wall.

“Uh huh, as I said before, it’s just cold out.”

“Untrue, my dearest! The melted tears of the previous night’s snowfall coat the very earth we stand on! I would be more than happy to provide you with the fares for a taxi-“

“I have my own car, what would even be the point?!” Misaki sighed, slipping into her coat as Kaoru held it out for her. “Thanks, Kaoru, but I can make it there. It’s only a couple minutes, if it makes you feel any better,” She pointed out, making sure all of her belongings were intact.

“It does. Immensely.” Kaoru ushered her down the short hallway. Misaki wouldn’t put it past Kaoru to walk her to her car and watch her drive off until her tail lights could be seen no more. From experience.

They sure took their sweet time getting there, but they were finally at the door. Misaki’s hand hovered over the knob, willing herself to just rip off the bandaid and leave before she could think about it too hard. But she didn’t move.

“Well, I, I suppose this is farewell for now.”

“Yeah.” _Damnit. You’re only making this harder._

“Ah, do be sure to take care on your way.”

“You said that already.” _Just kick me out, or something._

“It can always be reiterated.”

“I guess it can.” _Would hurt less than this._

Kaoru cleared her throat. “‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’”

Misaki forced a smile. “You’re right about that.” _Rrrrip._ The sound of the bandaid. “Thanks for last night, Kaoru-san. Dinner was great.” She pushed herself to turn the knob and open the door, cold air blasting in her face. As she made her way down the steps, away from the flat, away from Kaoru who was already back inside, she sat down in the driver’s seat, dreading putting the key into the ignition and driving even further away. A million thoughts raced through her mind as she lay her forehead on the steering wheel.

_I don’t know. I’m thinking about it a whole lot, but this is still pretty bad._

—

The days following dragged on for what seemed like decades. The holidays were fast approaching, meaning bad news for Misaki; workloads felt doubled to compensate for the upcoming break, and it was beginning to take its toll. But perhaps it was for the best to keep herself so occupied, lest she find time to be upset about other things.

Though tonight, the last of her projects were finished early.

She closed her laptop with a satisfying snap, final assignment successfully submitted, as she leaned back in her office chair to stare at the ceiling.

The thirteenth. Kaoru’s last performance was tonight. Misaki glanced at the time. The first showing of the night would start in a couple minutes, if she recalled correctly, with the second half an hour after curtain call. _What a long day. No idea how she does it._

A memory surfaced from not long ago. Filled with curiosity, Misaki had asked what show week was like for Kaoru.

_“Hmm…well, it begins early in the morning when I wake up, of course. It’s imperative to be at the theater in an especially timely manner; naturally, I awaken from slumber earlier than one might usually to properly prepare…and perhaps save myself a scolding.” It was at this point she blushed subtly._

_“And can I ask, was this lesson learned from experience?” Misaki had questioned, a smirk curving onto her lips._

_“I…will neither confirm nor deny this accusation. Ahem! Continuing on!” Kaoru cleared her throat loudly. “We rehearse onstage with costumes, lights, and sound for most of the day, over and over, breaking only to catch a quick meal. It’s especially important to run through the performance as many times as possible to ensure it’s flawless; indeed, the lighting and sound crew may also make slight adjustments of their own, just as actors do. A play is always a team effort, to be certain. But…the magic truly happens right before showtime, as you may guess. You change into your costume for likely the thousandth time that day, though, the feeling is different this time. As places are called moments before the curtains open, this is my personal favorite part of the night. You can hear the chatter of the audience outside. It simply fills me with invigoration to hear them excitedly titter so in anticipation. To hear the voices of hundreds, if not thousands, of people, counting on my performance and my peers’ performances to entertain them for the night. Everyone involved in the show, no matter their role, no matter actor or stagehand, is united in a single cause: to please the crowd…Ah, Misaki! I simply wish with all my heart you could experience the sensation…it is the very definition of fleeting, if there ever was one!”_

Misaki remembered the feeling that she could listen to Kaoru go on forever. She sounded so passionate, with such a fire in the way she spoke and explained such a draining, busy day. To Misaki, it sounded simply exhausting. But to Kaoru, it was a dream come true.

Misaki opened her laptop once more. What was Kaoru’s theater called, again? Grand…something? Oh, right. Hastily, the address was entered into the search bar and the page skimmed over. She found what she was looking for.

Twelve bucks wasn’t bad. She rummaged through her closet, searching for something at least somewhat presentable. Sure, hadn't worn that in God knows how long, but it would do.

She clicked on her phone, watching the minutes tick by. She wasn’t going to catch this showing; she’d have to wait for the next one. Well.

The two hours passed in a haze; a mushed up mess of browsing the internet, glancing up at the clock every few moments, and eating two small meals that, combined, could probably pass for a dinner on some planet. But at last, it was finally time to get ready.

She debated sending a good luck text message as she slipped into a nice-enough pair of jeans and a dark turtleneck, topped with a furry coat that did its job. No; she’d surely be busy. Wouldn’t want to be a bother, after all.

The theater wasn’t far, but she wanted to be there early. Not like there was much else to do, anyways. Stepping out of the apartment, braving the cold and locking the door behind her, Misaki began the walk to her car.

She didn’t consider herself particularly impulsive or daring. If anything, she was one of the safest people she knew. But it wasn’t so crazy to attend a friend’s performance and support her on a whim when work was finished early, right? Maybe it was the holiday spirit speaking to her, or something.

But truthfully, she knew her intentions were far more selfish than that.

—

Misaki eyed an assortment of pink tulips dotted with tiny white buds, then a more colorful arrangement. Would she prefer blue instead, maybe? A tasteful white? She hugged her coat closer to her body, shivering violently as the cold of the flower section started to get to her in her indecision.

It was rude to come to a play empty-handed when you knew one of the actors. It wasn’t weird to buy a quick gift for a friend. It was polite. Society expected it, after all. _Maybe it’s a little weird to spend this long deciding, though,_ Misaki thought through gritted teeth.

Suddenly, a striking crimson caught her eye. How did she not think of that before? Pink and all the other colors of the rainbow forgotten, a bright red bouquet of roses was snatched up instead and rushed to the register. As she pulled out her card to pay, shifting from foot to foot to stave off the chill, she checked the time. Perfect.

Misaki murmured a quiet thanks to the cashier and power-walked out of the automatic doors of the grocery store, searching the sea of cars for her own, flowers in hand. She looked down at them as she stepped, proud of the find. If any object screamed Kaoru, that was it.

Automobile eventually located, she pulled opened the passenger door to throw the roses inside before climbing in the driver’s seat and starting up the ignition once again.

 _And with time to spare,_ she thought, backing out and hitting the gas. Almost there. Almost time.

—

“Ah, found it. Sorry.” Misaki flipped her phone over with one hand to show the only slightly impatient usher her digital ticket, bouquet and coat tucked under the other. The older man gave a light nod and handed her a program before standing aside to open the gate. As she thanked him briefly and headed inside the theater, the booming chatter of the crowd overwhelmed her senses. Kaoru liked this? She eyed her ticket. D4, huh. Finding her way to her seat, her chest lifted when nobody else could be seen seated next to her. _Lord, I’ll pay you back one day._

Shuffling across the aisle and pushing down her chair, Misaki laid the flowers and coat comfortably on her lap and waited. And waited.

Tap, tap, tap. Her feet on the floor. Click, swipe. Her phone on. The time flashed on screen. It was five minutes until the curtains rose for the last time.

…

…

…God, was five minutes really this long? Misaki’s eyes scanned the crowd, then the stage, then the roses, then the aisle.

Finally, after flipping through the program a third time, the lights began to dim, and hundreds of voices instantly fell quiet, only a brave few still speaking in hushed tones. Misaki’s immediately stood up straight, alert and ready. She quickly silenced her phone, anticipation eating away at her as her foot tapping resumed with renewed vigor.

Moments later, a voice sounded on the intercom; the typical announcement of no photos until after the show, emergency exits, and meet-ups in the courtyard. At long last, all went dark, save for the soft glow of the aisles. Not a sound could be heard.

 _Shhhhrrrr._ The noise of curtains lifting. Silhouettes of people standing onstage, striking expressive poses.

Misaki steadied her beating heart. Having read the synopsis online when she bought her ticket, she had a faint idea of who Kaoru would probably be in the story. To be honest, the premise was pretty interesting on its own, likely piquing her curiosity even if Kaoru wasn’t in it. The spotlight shone brightly on a man in a medieval-looking costume as he spoke the first few lines of the show. A conversation ensued with another actor, filled with broad gestures and colorful language. Normally, she’d probably be able to follow along with ease and enjoy the performance pretty well, if not for her hope of catching a certain thespian occupying her thoughts.

Misaki hadn’t seen Kaoru in nine days. Nine days filled with disgustingly unhealthy doses of coffee and takeout, piles high of endless work, and terrible, terrible loneliness.

She had managed to stop herself every time her thumb hovered over the contact. She was too busy to go over there anyways, and she was sure Kaoru was too busy to have her, what with preparations for the show and studies of her own. Was probably for the best. Wouldn’t want to inconvenience her any more than she already had. Misaki had to be careful with what she asked for, because knowing Kaoru, that stupid girl would do it, even if she shouldn’t. _I’ve been taking advantage of her kindness, haven’t I?_ would often be the phrase that came to mind.

Suddenly, a familiar voice ringing throughout the theater jolted her from her thoughts.

There she was. The prince floated across the stage like this was exactly where she was meant to be. In her element, every line was delivered with purpose, every word holding such power and meaning, every movement and gesture clearly thought out extensively. Misaki was entranced. The actress’s words echoed in her head.

“…Ah, Misaki! I simply wish with all my heart you could experience the sensation…it is the very definition of fleeting, if there ever was one!”

She smiled. _It sure is, Kaoru-san._

—

The curtain fell, remnants of the roaring applause still present and ringing in Misaki’s ears. Her hands burned from clapping them together so rigorously, and with good reason; the show was fantastic, and of much higher quality than she previously thought possible on a university budget. Though, she was left little time to ponder this as she made haste to be the first one out of the building. Normally, she would be the kind of person to wait until everybody else had left before daring to stand up out of her seat; but tonight, there was a destination in mind.

Streams of people were already flowing like an unforgiving current and pushing past each other up and down the aisles. Dread settled in her stomach. _Here goes nothing, I guess._ Diving headfirst into the crowd, flowers and coat in hand, she desperately tried to inch herself past as many attendees as she could, but eventually was forced to shuffle up the stairs agonizingly slowly, sandwiched between bodies she didn’t know, just like everyone else. Misaki grimaced. That Shakespearean idiot had better be grateful.

At long last, she found her way out into the lobby, breathing a huge sigh of relief at the absence of stray elbows in her sides. _Freedom at long last, and I think I’m gonna need a shower after that,_ she thought with a shudder. Her eyes scanned the area, landing on a pair of guide signs pointing her to the courtyard.

Pushing open the doors to exit the building, frigid air attacking her face, she weaved through chatting guests and down a winding stone staircase, nearly tripping in her haste. At least she was there: a beautiful outdoor bar area with plentiful seating, tasteful greenery, a fountain centerpiece, and many lights. But that wasn’t why she came.

Misaki stood up on her tip toes, struggling to see over the bustling mass of heads. _Wish I was taller right about now._ Though, she soon realized herself lucky that a certain violet-haired someone was.

She snaked her way through the maze of bodies, muttering countless “pardon me”s as she passed. _Scratch that, I’m going to have to take more than one shower._

But as she squeezed past for the last time and arrived at one specific table, the look on that face made it all worth it.

“Misaki?” Kaoru looked up from her phone and immediately stood, stunned into silence.

“You did really good out there.” The actress took a moment to recover, mouth still gaping shamelessly in surprise.

“I- you- here... Ah, ahaha, naturally! Theater is but my one true passion! A fleeting performance, was it not? I thank you from the very bottom of my heart for coming, dear Misaki! How you have blessed my evening so!” Kaoru gushed, her shock fading in favor of a broad smile. She still donned her makeup and hair from the show, though many strands of her pulled back ponytail had come loose, and her eyeshadow was fading.

Dear. It bugged her in a way it shouldn’t have. But she carried on.

“Sure thing, wouldn’t miss it,” She said, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. _This excited, huh?_

Kaoru’s eyes landed on something, face lighting up. “Ah! Are those for me, kitten?” She pointed to the red flowers Misaki had tucked underneath her arm, eyes sparkling.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry, almost forgot. Here you go.” Kaoru eagerly took the roses as they were handed to her, making a show out of savoring their sweet scent. She turned the bouquet every which way, admiring it from all different angles.

“How you know me so well, Misaki! These crimson beauties…all of them, so fleeting!” Her smile never faded as she gently toyed with the petals. She looked like a kid with how enraptured she was with just a bunch of flowers. Misaki found a laugh escaping her. Money well spent.

“Glad you like them so much. Just knew you had to have them when I saw them at the store,” She said, Kaoru finally tearing her gaze away from the flowers to look at her directly. Misaki began to realize how tired she looked. The makeup probably did a good job of hiding it before, as did her Shakespearean tongue, but now, her imperfections were clearer. Eyes heavy, forehead creased.

“Thank you, truly. My night has surely improved tenfold,” Kaoru declared with gusto. The grin softened, gratitude written all over her face. And a healthy helping of exhaustion along with it.

Misaki’s heart ached. The minutes were short, but her concern far outweighed any other feelings she might’ve had in the moment. “Kaoru-san, you look beat. I didn’t mean to keep you from heading home.”

Kaoru shook her head. “Aha, you’ve caught me red-handed. Nothing escapes your watchful gaze! It has indeed been a long day, I will admit. However, I am not interested in the art of lies and deception; I would like to make transparent that I did promise the lovely cast I would join them for drinks, as is customary post-final performance,” She said, gesturing back towards the backstage door.

“No problem. Just making sure you’re alright.” _She’s an adult, idiot. She can handle herself. Time to head home._

“Would you care to join us?”

Misaki paused.

“Sure, I could come.”

—

The night flew past in a haze of awkward introductions, theater speak she couldn’t begin to understand, jokes she wasn’t apart of, and Kaoru trying desperately to include her as best she could. It was sweet, but also painfully clear the only reason she was here was because she was Kaoru's plus one; otherwise, she’d already be comfortably in bed back at home.

“I’m driving you home.” Misaki stood firm, arms crossed before the vehicle outside.

“Please, my dear, there’s no need to worry, I truly didn’t-“

“No buts. Give me your keys.” She held out a hand.

“…As you wish.” Kaoru fished about in her bag before placing them in Misaki’s outstretched palm. Before she knew it, the taller girl had opened the driver’s side door for her, grandly gesturing inside.

Wordlessly, she sat herself down and the door was shut behind her as she adjusted the mirrors. Kaoru was soon sat beside her, unceremoniously dropping her sack to the floor before leaning back in the passenger seat and shutting her eyes.

Idiot. What made you think you could drive?

The car whirred to life. Misaki pushed herself up with a foot, checking behind her as she backed out. She didn’t have to ask for directions to Kaoru’s flat. She was already on the open road, driving purposefully to where she knew the next turn would be.

The barely-audible music on the radio filled the silence. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kaoru’s chest rise and fall; every now and then, she’d let out a soft sigh, but was otherwise quiet and unmoving.

 _Sleeping beauty, huh? Isn’t it the princess in that story, not the prince?_ Misaki couldn’t help but chuckle to herself at the thought.

“Mmm…what tickles you so, kitten?” Kaoru mumbled, eyes still closed.

“Sorry, Kaoru-san. Was I too loud?” Guilt washed over her, supposedly having interrupted the light slumber.

“Not in the slightest. Any sound you utter is like a melodious lullaby of the highest caliber.” Misaki’s face grew hot. That girl was suave even when she was shitfaced and half asleep. How did she do it?

“A-almost there,” Misaki choked, rounding the bend into the flat’s vicinity. Soon, she pulled up into the driveway and turned the key, headlights shutting off and the buzz of the car instantly quieting.

Kaoru was soundless. Had she really fallen asleep this time?

Misaki reached over to place a tentative hand on the actress’s shoulder. “Kaoru-san.” She gently rubbed it back and forth. “Kaoru-san.” She massaged her arm. “Kaoru. We’re here.” This time, the crimson eyes blinked open. They smiled at the touch.

“Ah, my apologies. Thank you dearly, Misaki.” Kaoru leaned down to pick her bag up off the floor, slinging it over her shoulder. Their gazes met. Misaki felt as if she should speak; say something, anything.

“It’s much too late to be out,” Kaoru finally said before she could try. “Come inside. We may go together to retrieve your car in the morning…no?” She tipped her head.

Misaki realized it. She knew it the whole time. Kaoru was her crutch. These days felt empty and insufferable because that Shakespearean idiot wasn’t in them. She couldn’t keep counting on this to make her happy. Couldn’t keep inconveniencing that stupid sweetheart like this. They had both made it clear: friends with benefits, nothing more and nothing less. She had been crossing a line she never originally intended to cross.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

But it would be rude to say no.

—

“You must excuse me for a moment, if you would; I’d like to freshen up. Please, feel free to do the same afterwards.” Kaoru excused herself and ducked into the restroom, door shutting with a quiet click.

Misaki sat down on the living room couch, knees to her chest. The television babbled on, a cheesy old romance drama playing out on the screen. It was background noise for her while she checked her phone, mindlessly scrolling through email after email. Spam, spam, university, bank, spam. Her eyes wandered to the table. Despite Misaki’s insistence against it, Kaoru had taken the liberty of making her a hot drink; the lavender tea chocked full with honey and sugar sat steaming on the table, still too piping to sip.

A million thoughts raced through her head, not one of them coherent enough in her fatigue to be properly worried about. Though dread still managed to settle deep in her chest. Things couldn’t keep going on like this. Kaoru had a life. Kaoru was her own person. She wouldn’t be here to hold her hand forever. She’d find somebody she really liked, and this would be over. Tonight was the last time, she was sure of it. She’d just have to make due on her own. If she couldn’t, then-

The bathroom door creaked open, Kaoru emerging in a fresh pair of pajamas. Misaki shut her phone off, placing it down on the table, and clicked off the television. The newly-dubbed sleeping beauty moved to sit down next to her; she sunk into the seat, exhaling softly.

“What a thrilling conclusion to a fleeting performance. Though, I must admit, I do find myself experiencing a spot of regret at the fact that our next production will not be until the new year. How cruel a mistress fate is,” Kaoru lamented, sitting up to face her opposite. “However, enough about me. How have you been, Misaki?” She asked, elbow on the arm of the couch, cheek in her palm.

_Anything but “how have you been.”_

“Fine. Work is tough,” She answered curtly. Not really untrue.

“I see. How unfortunate.” Silence.

God, she hated this. May as well just go straight to bed on the couch and let Kaoru sleep on the bed right now. Would make things easier in the morning. Her mind had already been made, after all: this couldn’t happen again. No matter how sweet it was to be held in her arms. No matter how much she laughed when a stupid quote came out of her mouth. No matter how when they kissed, she couldn’t think of anything else she wanted. Because it was crossing a line.

“Misaki,” Kaoru said.

“Hm?”

“Are you happy?” She froze in place.

“I, well… it, it’s tough to be totally satisfied, at this time in your life, isn’t it? Everything is just so crazy, and-“

“You know what I mean.” Kaoru’s stare was unwavering. She inched closer.

“K-Kaoru-san?” Misaki’s breath caught in her throat. Her mind was blank. All of the thoughts she had before dissipated into thin air.

“Let me make you happy.” This felt familiar.

“You’re drunk,” Misaki blurted out as Kaoru drew nearer with every passing second. She could feel her hot breath on her ear as she leaned closer.

“I didn’t have anything to drink,” Kaoru whispered. “Did you?”

“No.”

“Then, let me make you happy.” She kissed her neck. “Let me give you everything I have.” She traced a finger down, stopping at her heart. “Please.”

“Okay.” She paused. “Y-yes. Yes, please,” Misaki breathed. Self restraint was the last thing on her mind, now. Screw lines. Every sense was filled with Kaoru.

I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know what I’m doing.

I know what I want.

Their lips smashed together. Kaoru’s tongue immediately slipped into her mouth, feeling for more of her, tasting more of her. One hand sliding into her top, the other grabbing hungry fistfuls of her hair.

The sudden intensity was overwhelming. “Nghh!” Misaki tensed, voice already beyond her control. She pulled Kaoru closer, holding the back of her head, feeling the soft purple locks between her fingers.

“I,” Kaoru mumbled over Misaki’s mouth. “missed…” Kiss. “…you,” Bite. Oh, God. Missed me. Teeth grazed her lips, teasing her.

Kaoru leaned back from the kiss, panting, left hand still hard at work as she stared into her eyes. Saliva glistened on her mouth. Misaki’s labored breathing continued, fighting not to cry out. Sweet spot. She was way too good at this.

“Mm! K-Kaoru..san,” She gasped, grip on Kaoru’s hair tightening. Closer. Need to be closer. The movements picked up; faster, more vigorous. A shudder passed through her.

“I want to make you happy. Are you happy?” Kaoru bent down. Her voice was crystal clear in Misaki’s ear. If there was one thing she was, it was happy.

“I-hnn, I’m happy.” The warm sensation of breath on the back of her neck caused her to shake. “R-really happy, Kaoru-san, I-“

A gentle nip on her ear cut her off, inhaling sharply. Kaoru’s teeth teased at her neck, over and over, covering it with little marks. Those wouldn’t be easy to cover, but that was a problem for another day. It felt so good. _I missed you, too, Kaoru-san. I missed you so much._

A hand began to slide down, inch by inch, as Kaoru’s lips moved back to her own. From her chest, to her stomach, to her-

“Ah-!” Misaki broke apart from the messy kiss to rear her head back, sounds no longer her own. She struggled to catch her breath. She couldn’t lose it so soon. She wanted it to go on. She bit her lip.

“Are you alright?” Kaoru stopped for a moment, gauging her. “Is, is this good?” Kaoru prodded the tiniest bit further, her own voice cracking as well. Oh, too good. Was she enjoying this, too?

“Y-yeah, yes. I’m, I’m fine. This is g-good.” More of her. She wanted more of her. Misaki leaned her head up to resume the kiss, hands bunching up the fabric on the back of Kaoru’s shirt. The prince let loose a few sounds of her own.

“M-Misaki…” She moaned over her mouth. “Dear, dearest Misaki…” Dearest. Not just dear. _Sllllip._

“K-Kaoru!” It took every bone in her body not to just give in right then. Her head shot back, eyes shut tight, breathing strained.

“Mmn!” Kaoru was so nice to hear. “Th-that’s it, dearest. Ah, how l-lovely you are…” Her own voice was strained, shaky.

It felt lonely not to kiss her.

“H-here,” Misaki breathed, reaching behind her neck. She obliged without question, tilting her head for a better angle as she leaned in. Kaoru’s free hand, quivering slightly, continuously brushed stray bangs out of her face. The gesture was gentle, intimate, caring. It meant more to her than any of these other things ever would.

“You make me…s-so happy.” _Oh God, you can’t say that now._

“Mi-Misaki…Misaki…” _Sliiiiide._

“Mmf! Kaoru…Kaoru!” _Seeing stars._ All she wanted to do was say her name, over and over.

_Shhhove._

She shuddered. She felt Kaoru crumple the slightest bit, head hanging low. She could hear every tremulous breath, feel every beat of her racing heart. She tensed up tight as the pressure below was slowly, carefully removed before relaxing her muscles again.

Kaoru buried her head in the crook of her neck, arms at her sides, body collapsing. Misaki placed a hand on her back, the other lightly brushing her fingers through her hair. The tangles fell away at her touch as a smile creeped up onto her lips, subtle and steady.

“I want to give you everything I have, Misaki. I want to make you happy.” Kaoru pushed herself up, head craning to look her head on. “Not just like this. I…simply wanted to do what you asked of me. To be there for you as you requested. But I want to sing your praises to my family. I want to wish you a good night and a good morning. I want to walk with you, talk with you, whisk you off to wonderful new places. To see your radiant smile and hear your sweet-sounding laugh. I want to be there for you.”

She knew what that look was filled with, now; hell, she probably did before. She knew what she was feeling.

Maybe some lines were meant to be crossed.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow alright so i had a lot of ideas to put here, so here's a second chapter! (and the last one at that.) i feel this whole thing is super messy; chapter 2 is so much longer than 1, i feel like the pacing was weird some places, and there are a lot of tired mistakes and stuff that i've been fixing on and off. but ahhh it was just so fun writing these two and i already have a ton of ideas for more of them, so please look forward to that, and be sure to let me know anything you might want to see if you like. i hope i continue to improve so i can write better stuff of them, dear fellow kaomisa fans. feedback is always welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> hello, so this is my first ever fanfic! i've had a couple of years of writing experience for interactive novels and stuff like that, but never things like this. i'm also a little nervous since i've never written anything super ~raunchy~ before, so please let me know if it like sucked LOL. i really hope it's alright, i greatly appreciate any form of feedback at all, especially since it's my first go, always looking to improve! not entirely sure if this'll be multi chapter or not, depends on what ideas i have, but please expect more kaomisa stuff in the near future! kaomisa fic writers pls come out of the woodwork with meee. also, the song quoted in the fic and in the title is "again" by doris day! give it a listen! thanks so much for reading :)


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